I’ll Tell You How Not to Buy a Car

I think I’ve finally accepted defeat this summer, its just not going to happen. I was big talk at the beginning, Mustangs, FRS’ and Genesis coupes, I said I found great deals on all three at lease once. Back in May it seemed entirely doable, I would work my butt off full time this summer during my work term and all of that time would be worth it, then I would finally buy the interesting car I had always wanted, something I could be proud of.

By the end of May my excitement turned to determination. “I deserve this for myself” and “I can’t wait to get rid of this boring car” became phrases that I would repeat to myself on a daily basis. I think I was held back by some leeriness of certain used car dealerships and that voice at the back of my mind that kept telling me each deal was too good to be true. Still though I was caught in a shroud, I would be damned if I wasn’t driving something different by the end of summer.

June was the month I declared a hatred for insurance companies. What started out as innocent internet quotes became monsters that had a personal vendetta for me. “Why the hell would they charge me that”, “My record is clean whats this bull****”, I became a fairly crabby person and if you had asked me I would have told you that half the people in the modified car scene were operating under some massive phony insurance scheme (I wasn’t keen on doing a ton of homework on it, last thing I wanted to do after work was go on the computer).

Early July was a time of defeat and slight acceptance. I began to look around while I sat in my car and I felt at home. The dash wasn’t SOOO scratched, the tint wasn’t TOOO wavy and with a good wash I was almost convinced that it looked kind of good in the shade. (its a 2004 Matrix with 310,000 km). All this false pageantry and interest was really the byproduct of what seems like an eternity of “at least you have a car” and “it runs fine why do you need a new one?”. I don’t even entertain these questions and phrases and to them I will provide only one reply; you don’t understand, you will never understand and you can buy a car for $1500 and have an adventure so stop bitching THANKYA PLEASE. ANYWAY, it began to seem like the 4 Banger had a fighting chance of staying around for a while.

Here I am now in early August. I’ve replaced the front brakes, changed the oil and I’m completely sick of cruising Auto Trader. I’ve decided that the next best step is to hunt down a decent insurance deal first and truly decide which car I want to buy. Looking at 3 or 4 different kinds is far too confusing and I stopped and realized that I really don’t know what I’m looking for. Until the day comes when I can say what i’m looking for with a shred of confidence, I’m going to be whippin the conventional hatchback Corolla that the world never really came to love. I have just accurately described to you how not to buy a car.

Carlo Perrotta


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